“I Don’t Want to Retire From THIS at 68” (and I’m scared my spouse won’t see things the same way)

(Disclaimer: Written without AI. Please forgive my imperfect writing)

I’d like to bring you a possibly new take on the already crowded field of “AI is changing everything”. There is a growing exodus of younger Gen-X’ers (and older Millennials) from the corporate ladder. Rather than continuing an ascent to the C-suite, they’re taking their talents into younger companies, fractional revenue-generating activities, doing very cool things, living on less, maybe getting closer to the land and producing value with their hands. Essentially, there’s a movement of professionals in their 40’s and early 50’s who are stepping up to the “What will I do when I retire?” question, 20-odd years early.

And they’ll be navigating this unexpected turn with a partner who may or may not see this transition in the same way.

You’re hearing a bunch about layoffs. And a fair bit about professionals 60+ who are quietly leaving the workforce by their own volition before their retirement happens to them. But for those in their 40s who are affected by layoffs, you might assume that they’d be scrambling to find another safe full-time salaried job, as they’re still in the prime of their career. They’re nowhere close to that societally accepted retirement year. Yet for some of my clients, they are not looking for a new job. They’re thinking about taking a completely new road.

Pre-AI, the quiet opt-out from the executive class

Even before the AI “arms race”, I witnessed a curious thing happening: A number of my professional clients, within a year or so of arriving in the waiting room of the C-suite (just before VP level or thereabout), started questioning the very career ladder they’d been climbing.

I should say: I coach highly talented, high-integrity professionals who were high-performing individual contributors and have made excellent emerging leaders. They’ve developed amazing direct reports and teams, driven incredible results, and are well respected as coaches and mentors.

But “what gets you here won’t get you there”, they realize.  Whereas early-career promotions happened in pretty quick succession and were energizing with all the accolades and visibility, the current executive-adjacent role has become unexpectedly demotivating and heavy.   My clients are now starting to see the realities of decision-making at the executive level. At this new altitude, they’re seeing that the values held by members of the VP+/C-suite are quite different than the values that brought them such success in the earlier part of their career.

Generally speaking, the higher up the ladder you go, there is a loss of connection with “The Thing”, the treasured product or service that the IC or first-level manager takes such pride in perfecting and shipping. What is prioritized at higher levels of management is suddenly nonsensical. Foresight seems to be non-existent. Headcount is eliminated while consulting budgets are increased.

My clients are shocked to face a strange ostracization for being “truth-tellers”. Like a sudden douse of cold water, my clients realize that pointing out that “the emperor has no clothes” is actually promotion-limiting.

And when they observe respected senior executives, 60+, continuing to burn the candle at both ends at the cost of their health, my clients say, “No, I don’t want to end up like this in 20 years.”

A lot of high-quality talent opt out before they reach a level where they can meaningfully take the helm and shift the direction of a company. This has been well documented with a lot of talent that doesn’t feel comfortable in the traditional executive culture. Whether exiting for consulting or early-phase startups, valuable contributors are leaving big companies. And this was all happening before the AI-led revolution started.

Now, it’s gas on the fire. Many in their 40s and early 50s have faced layoffs in the last year, and those who haven’t are just waiting for another round of RIFs. But for many of those hanging on, they’re wondering what they’re doing and questioning whether their work has any value. Struggling with procrastination, feeling disconnected from their work, a number of clients are admitting to me that they have fantasies of being packaged out. Their eyes light up when they talk about the potential for being chosen for a 16-week severance package, and they talk excitedly about how they’ll use that income bridge to build a path to their next life. They dream of pausing the hamster wheel, taking a bit of a break and then repositioning themselves to something different.

AI revolution meets a pre-existing urge to chart one’s own course post-40

This really is a fascinating collision — A technology revolution, and, for people in their 40s and early 50s, a restlessness and inability to see themselves spending another 25-30 years in the current race. It’s uncomfortable and disorienting for my clients, because they don’t have a model to follow. Many people have parents who retired in the same company that they served for decades. So when you’re thinking about retiring, decades before “retirement age”, what on earth does this even mean?

You’re richer than you think.

Until recently, a major Canadian bank had a tagline that went, “You’re richer than you think.” That line has really stuck with me. I use it a lot in my coaching, because it turns out that a lot of my clients have made some smart moves financially in the last decade or so and actually have more financial leverage than they think. Maybe they’ve delayed their gratification to pay down their mortgage or their student loans. Perhaps they bought in early on in the housing market boom and they’re sitting on a nicely appreciated asset. Maybe their more involved years of childrearing are behind them, and their kids are graduating and leaving the nest. And they’re sitting on a number of highly marketable and transferrable skills, hard-won by a couple of decades in the analogue pre-AI world. They’re realizing the value of their billable hour as a fractional resource for companies that have over-trimmed in the name of “AI layoffs” and need to bring back talent, at whatever cost.

A lot of my clients could actually do with a lot less income. They could really pare down their cost of living, and would be happy to do so, if it meant getting more fulfillment and buying more of their time back. Many people I coach either are flexible, or actually yearn, to move out of a high-cost-of-living city and relocate to a more rural area, or even a different country that doesn’t require such a large income to live comfortably.  Inflation is hitting everyone hard, but there are many of my clients who, when they reconsider the “rules” and boundaries they have been obeying for the past couple of decades, realize that questioning these assumptions is opening doors and a lot more options.

More valuable outside than inside

You get to a certain point in your tenure at a company, these days, when you’re more valuable outside your company than inside. Also occurring around the age of 40, perhaps, is the formation of a glass ceiling over your career progression, if you’ve worked for the same company for a while. Promotions may be less frequent. Visibility wanes. External hires are coming in to fill higher leadership positions, and despite line managers assuring you that “you have a future here”, actions speak louder than words. It’s about this time that my clients start taking inventory of the pre-AI skills and competencies that they have accumulated over their 20-odd years of experience.

I’ve already written about how Gen-X and older Millennials are uniquely placed to ride the top of this AI wave.  

(AI) +(40+ restlessness) + (Unprecedented optionality) are all colliding at the same time. And as a coach, I see the many beautiful things that can take shape from this Big Bang event. So when my clients are confessing, “I can’t see myself retiring from this company at the age of 68 — would retiring at 47 be too soon?”, I start seeing doors open for them, and our coaching becomes turbo-charged.

I predict that we’ll see younger Gen X’ers carving really interesting niches for themselves: Making fractional income from a few varied sources; increasing their optionality by reducing their cost of living; living closer to the land and working with their hands; delivering tangible value based on the transferrable skills from their pre-AI knowledge. I predict many will be renting out their time to the very companies that either laid them off or overlooked them, at a very hefty billable hour.

And they’ll be getting their time back. And their freedom back. Far before 65.

A potential silent casualty: Relationship

The essential thing is that one can take this brave new growth path without outgrowing their relationship. As I’m coaching professionals 40+ who have just had the idea of partial retirement or career left-turn occur to them, I’m also hearing about friction coming up in their relationship. Maybe their spouse is not ready for such a shift. Change is scary, and it’s terrifying when your life partner starts talking about wild things like leaving their job with benefits to pursue a dream project without a sturdy safety net.  

This confluence of career and relationship uncertainty, fueled by the AI revolution, is exactly why I coach both relationship and career. For the spouse hearing that their partner wishes to exit their career ladder and take on an uncarved path, they might feel really hurt, resentful and completely closed to the idea.   

Change puts a big strain on relationships, and we must use compassionate, honest communication to move through change without losing each other in the transition.  When one partner is thinking about a “Freedom 47” plan, it’s necessary to bring up all the complicated feelings and behaviors that arise with this, so that a couple can have both oars in the water.

Facing uncomfortable confrontation with curiosity

I help people frame difficult conversations around curious questions.

What would things look like if I took a package, or retired from this current trajectory?

What if I took part-time employment and cobbled together a potpourri of income sources?

What if I could start work on a garden, or cultivate something close to home?

What if we were to shift where we call home?

What might become possible if we were to reduce our expenses by several thousand dollars a month, because we’re no longer paying as much for childcare, or meal delivery, or other convenience services?

What if we could pocket more money and therefore earn less?

I always encourage clients to sit with their financial advisor as one of their first steps in this conversation. Don’t just guess – Know where your finances sit. Remember that “You’re richer than you think” line? It is always true. At least in my coaching experience. Without exception, my clients have always come back from a deep-dive into their finances with MORE optimism and optionality.

So this is the key thing: Be coached in multiple dimensions — career, finances, and relationship. Let all parts of your life weave into the coaching work. For all those who are feeling an itch, who have a grumbling restlessness, and for whom this AI transformation has just put fuel on the fire, you are more free than ever to harness this historical movement and make some bold moves. Even if they feel like decades ahead of their time.

Is this you?

If you’re wondering how many more years you can take of the career ladder in your current company;

If you’re starting to see the glass ceiling – if your career progression conversations have trailed off and the gateposts of your next promotion keep shifting;

If you’re realizing, in contrast with new inductees to the workforce, that you have a whole lot of pre-AI knowledge and expertise to guide and manage AI-driven systems;

If you’ve toyed with the idea of consulting;

If you’ve wondered how much your company would pay you to buy back your time as a fractional resource;

If you’re daydreaming of being packaged out;

If you’ve recently been laid off and you’re more excited than scared;

If you want to talk to your spouse about potentially stepping back, consulting, finding yourself, starting a bakery or an AI-powered online store;

If the thought of having this conversation with your spouse terrifies you because you’re scared to face resentment or shutdown;

Then coaching might be for you.

To my younger Gen-X and older Millennial clients, I am so thrilled to see what you create of this historic moment!

PS. I think I’ll continue to write AI-free. If you’re like me, your brain shuts off immediately when you start reading an article with characteristic AI trademarks. I intend my articles to land deeply in your brain and your heart. So, like a handmade garment that has imperfections in the fabric due to the hand dying process, this article is a little long, a little hard to understand in parts, but it is straight from my heart and brain to yours.

Photo by Nadya Spetnitskaya on Unsplash