I was speaking about divorce culture with my fellow relationship coach, Sara Liddle, in our weekly podcast “Geordie Lass and Doc Sass”. I likened our modern approach to relationship to shopping at H&M. I have a wonderful husband and our marriage has taken exciting turns and grown in beautiful ways. But when we hit a rough patch, I often find myself wishing it were possible to trade him in for an “easier” model. Like when I’m sick of last year’s wardrobe and I want to replace my entire closet by shopping at H&M for some fast fashion. I forget that I have timeless, beautiful, high-quality pieces in my closet that would wow and amaze if only I spent the time to sew a button or repair a seam.
The truth is, there is no such thing as an H&M do-over for relationship. Divorce rates range from 40-50% in many Western countries. Many of those relationship endings represent a premature abandonment of something that may have grown to be beautiful and long-standing if only the right kind of work had been invested. For many of us, it’s so painful and frustrating to encounter conflict in relationship that we’d rather jump ship and find a fresh new relationship. No surprise, we find a new partner with whom we start to run into familiar problems after the love-sick dopamine high wears off.
I love helping individuals and couples at the brink of breakup. True, it is a vulnerable, terrifying, painful time. Each partner feels like they’ve done all they can, and they’re sick of trying. They’re exhausted that each argument ends up going down the same old weary road. They blame the other person and feel that they are fatally mismatched. There seems to be no hope.
But I see the 5 carat flawless diamond just waiting to be polished to a brilliant shine again. I see the incredible potential, and I love to see that appear when I start coaching an individual or couple. Together, we start to uncover the pain, the negative beliefs that people have been carrying around for years, often since childhood. We uncover false interpretations and mountains of hurt. We dig to the depths of the feelings and eventually find 2 beautiful people who wish to be shown love, but who see the actions of the other as anything but. We uncover 2 people who genuinely love the other and mean well in their actions. We start to reveal the crossed wires of communication and the times in which actions or words were misinterpreted as uncaring or unloving.
There’s nothing more magical than seeing 2 people tentatively come together with deep vulnerability and connection with their emotions, to start to rebuild a sturdy foundation of healthy communication between them. I love to see how desire starts to be rekindled, how childlike joy appears, how both individuals lower their defenses and allow share smiles, affection, and physical touch to flow between them. When a couple experiences renewed connection after passing through such difficult times, they feel a wonder, a gratitude, a lightness and sensuality that places them on top of the world!
I work with individuals and couples to demolish old crumbling relationship structures and build a new robust foundation from the ground up, one that will last a lifetime of storms and become more beautiful with each passing year. We ignite passion, sexual connection, connection and desire.
Every couple deserves the intervention of a powerful coaching experience. There is no such thing as an H&M store for a “better” or “newer” model. The most enthralling experience of a lifetime is putting in the work to create the relationship of a lifetime! Get in touch today – you haven’t lived until you’ve experienced this incredible relationship transformation!